Why?
1st.. Baby EJ was sick.
18 Feb. Baby EJ had high fever, 39 deg. Brought him to his PD, apparently he had sore throat & was prescribed anti-biotic & high fever med. He was cranky too! Didn't eat well! His fever was up & down.. 38-39 deg.. He hated his medication and cried when I fed him medicine through syringe. I tried many ways.. Mixed med in his milk but he didn't like it, he couldn't finish his 50 ml milk mixed with fever syrup. No choice, we had to force-feed him through syringe.. It pained me to see my baby suffer!
My sick baby
fever couldn't stop him from playing at the children clinic
19Feb. His fever was getting better, 37-37.5 deg in the morning & afternoon, but I don't know why his fever jumped up again to 38 deg plus in the evening.. Luckily he ate quite well & was pretty active
Sick but playful
20Feb. Midnight, 2AM, it was my nightmare! Baby EJ woke up crying.. His fever was 39 deg plus.. It scared me, so I fed him med before milk and during feeding time, he vomited all his milk.. Panicked & didn't know what to do & honestly, I felt like crying when I saw him crying (in pain).. I didn't dare to feed him another shot of med because he was having high fever med before vomiting all his milk a while ago.. So, I dealt with this poor cranky baby for one hour before I fed him another shot of med.. I fed him half dosage mixed with milk because I was afraid some of his medication was still in his tummy (afraid of over-dosed) and I was afraid he would vomit again.. So I mixed with his 90 ml of milk but he didn't finish it.. Luckily his fever subsided in the morning... But then it was up, down, up, down and he is still sick now! :'( and I'm sad! :'(
I didn't sleep for the whole night! My baby was up from 2AM all the way until morning!
2nd.. I received bad news!
I can't tell much details on my blog here because my blog is not only read by strangers, but my family & friends too and I don't like to reveal some personal issues online.. Some issues are just not meant to be written online!
Okay, the case is like this.. It's like I'm taking final exam. I have prepared well.. I'm ready! Everything looks perfect.. I have the materials, I remember exactly what I need to write in my exam.. Everything is just perfect! BUT I failed before I took the exam..
First Exam, I failed before I had the chance to sit on the exam, simply because I came too late.. I proceed to the second exam.. Still have chance, right?
Second Exam, I failed again. simply because I was not feeling well, therefore I cancelled the exam
Third Exam, you know what, I failed again for the third time.. I wasn't late for the exam, I was ready but shit happened.. That's part of life, right? and also part of being a human, right? I was told I was given the wrong instruction & timing, exam was over before I could even catch it! I didn't catch the right timing! Blame my luck?
Of course, above scenario is just an example how I received failures after failures these past a few months.. I can't tell the exact story but this is exactly what's happening to me! I failed before I was given a chance to try!
It sucks!
After I heard that bad news.. I went to public toilet, broke down, cried and called my hubby.. He asked me "Are you alright, baby?" I just answered, "I'm screwed!" That's it!
I then continued to cry and cry..
I just couldn't stop my tears.. I tried though.. I knew it was kind of embarrassing to be teary inside public transportation but I couldn't help it! My eyes were red & teary. I tried my best not to cry though. Trying to control the feeling of crying, but ended up tearing up in the public reminded me to my past-me when I was going through a break-up with an ex of almost a decade relationship.. I teared up in the public and I swore it won't happen again!
Wrong! It happened again! Women hormones are crazy!
My husband in the other hand is very supportive, he's good in calming me down and he assured me "Try again, don't give up, stay positive, etc..etc..etc.." but I kept drowning him with so much negativities :'(
My stomach shrunk!
Anyway, I don't know why too, I'm kind of writing non-sense here.. let's get over this topic!
After feeling down & sad with lots of crying today, I went out to have my favorite soup and I felt better & started to reflect myself...
Yes, I failed, Yes, I'm screwed but I have so many amazing things around me.. Let's name it!
1) Baby EJ.. He's a wonderful baby.. Having him in my life is my biggest blessing
2) Supportive & Loving hubby
3) A house to stay, food on table & good health, what else I want more?
It's like 3 shits happen, but 7 lucks go around.. Which one is better?
Anyway... I don't have expectation anymore because when it falls, it falls bad.. When it fails, I would think I'm screwed again! So, nothing to expect, I just want to live my present moments, I don't want to think what's gonna happen in the future because I hate to be sad!
I hope March won't screw me up again!
~Netty~
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