Not just a mommy!

As I'm writing this post, my sweet 20 month old baby Calysta has just fallen into her not so sweet dream (I bet she will wake up again 10 minutes after I type this)

 

I feel so tired, drained, my eyes are heavy.. My brains feel sleepy, my body is achy! I feel like I want to scream at my innocent baby for torturing me tonight! But I prefer to stay cool and calm even though I'm screaming inside! I'm tired! I want my me time. Full stop!!

 

Calysta has changed her sleeping pattern. Instead of sleeping at 7.30-8pm like she used to be, she's now sleeping at 10-10.30pm, more than 2 hours past her normal sleeping time even though she doesn't nap extra, as per normal, she naps for one hour in the afternoon. Nothing has changed at all except she's now being a cute little owl who plays, jumps, throws temper at 10pm without showing signs of sleepiness. Big sigh! It has been a second night she sleeps late and my second night, I become a grumpy mommy who is missing her normal me time!

 

"You are getting 6 hours sleep?" "That's very good already" "I thought a mum can only have less than 6 hours sleep?" I heard that a lot from other mommies! The thing is everybody functions differently! I need at least 7 hours of sleep (okay maybe 6 hours uninterrupted and 1 hour interrupted, fair enough right?) for my brains to function happily! I need a good sleep to be a happy mum!

 

Why don't you sleep as soon as your baby dozing off and why don't you take a nap? The thing is I need a bit of me time to relax my mind like watching my favorite drama before I sleep and that's the only way for me to sleep soundly! And I don't get used to napping plus Calysta only naps on my chest, so it's kinda uncomfortable, although I don't mind, just that I'm unable to take a nap!

 

I complained a bit to my husband last night and he replied back "why would you want to have kids then?" He got the point!, I wasn't upset at him at all because my husband is a very straight forward man and he will just tell me straight whatever it is. Yes having children is my choice, it's my responsibility to take care my children, it's my job as a mommy to educate them and it's my duty to love them as much as possible but mommy is a human being too, mommy can feel tired, can feel drained and can feel like crying sometimes! The point is I'm beyond just being a mommy, I'm myself too!

 

I would be lying if I said I didn't feel guilty at all for being a grumpy mum! I felt bad! I felt horrible! I imagine how women who struggle with infertility wish to have those complaints and issues I'm facing with my children on daily basis. I feel their pain, sadness , emptiness and agony when that darn pregnancy test keeps showing one line every month!

 

The truth is I'm grateful and I feel so blessed to have both in my life and there's nothing I would change, not even a world! The truth is my babies are healthy and that is all matter to me now! But the reality is I can't help to feel upset not having enough me time like I used to have, I can't help to feel irritated when I'm just feeling tired and no one is there to offer me to take over to take care my kids tonight! That's really what a mother is going through! If you read this and I share how you feel, I just want to hug you tight! I feel you! After all, mother is always there to support fellow mother without any judgments!

 

Being a mum of 2, having 2 kids with 1.5 year age gap is very challenging because literally it's just like taking care twins. One is having horrible 3 stage and another one is having terrible 2 stage. It's a hectic life here! and the house seems very full with these 2 only, I swear! They fight, they scream, they cry! They cry bloody loud! They fight like 2 grown up adults ~ they snatch, they push, they bite, they grab, they hit, they kick! I'm not joking! They can be so sweet to one another and they can be so violent towards each other!

 

The boy or you can call him EJ is 3 years 3 months old. He can throw a horrible 3 year old threenager temper and be so emo more than a lady having her PMS. He will cry like no one business after hearing one tiny advise (not even with high tone, goodness) from his mommy or daddy. He will fight back and reason us "why can not?" "Why you angry?"

 

The good thing about the boy who is crazily obsessed with dinosaurs is he's partially potty trained now, at least he can tell us he wants to pee pee or poo poo and doesn't need diapers in the day time. Except night time when he's sleeping, he can't tell us to go pee pee yet! The good thing is I save more diaper $, thus I have a little of my sanity back because I can use "used-to-be-his-diaper-allowance" to get something nice for myself hahaaa.. Hey sanity is very important to a tired mommy okay? And at least he saved some for me heheee.. (Kidding!)

 

And the girl, the petite sweet little girl as known as Calysta is turning 2 years old in 4 months time and going through terrible 2 stage, whatever she means, she means it, whatever she wants, she wants it! Although I have to admit she has the best sweet baby scent in the universe and I can't stop smelling her head and hair when she's sleeping and I'm kinda addicted to her smelly head so much, funnily! She's still nursing at this age and my bonding with her is just amazing! I have to admit she has the strangest habit too, guess what? She loves to dig, pinch, scratch, caress and smell mommy's armpit and she's addicted to it! She can't sleep without having her "armpit time" I hope I know a case like this, so she won't be the only "armpit" weird girl I know! Other than her torturing my sleep, she's really a sweet cute little girl who loves to kiss mommy and shows her sweet love to me! So fair enough I guess! She tortures but she loves me, enough!

 

So this is what I feel about motherhood, being a mommy myself for 3 years. I'm not just a mommy, I'm myself too! Being myself means I need to have me time, to pamper and to enjoy myself because as much as my kids are my top priority but I need to think for myself and to take care myself properly too :) and I realize that reading other mommy's blogs on the Internet makes me question myself "Am I good enough?" "Am I teaching my kids enough?" "Are they learning enough?" "Can they do this, Can they do that?" Why, what, when and how! These kind of questions just pop out! I'm not comparing my kids' milestones but can't help to question my self which I don't like! I don't like being worried I don't teach my kids enough, I don't like being worried my son can't read yet and I don't want to feel like why my time is not enough for my kids to do their activity time longer or why my kids are playing more than they learn. And why does iPad time is more than learning time! If you know what I mean!

 

As much as I understand reading those mommy blogs that promote pre-schooling activity time and milestones can be motivating but I just want to stop worrying about stuff I haven't achieved as a mom! Every mum has different way in raising kids, different perspective and there's no same way to ensure happiness and so I won't be reading much of other's mommy blog because that is their life and this is my life, my family and we are different! And whatever I write here, it matters to me not others!

 

And so, what does it take to be a good mother? I don't know! Different perspective, different raising, different way, there's no same thing. One thing I know as long as I'm happy, my kids are happy & healthy! That's matter so much more than "hey I'm a good mum because I have done this and that..."

 

So yeah let's read less and stay happy! :) life will be more beautiful!

 



Closing the baby factory for now

I have been lacking in blogging recently because I just feel that there's always other platform to be active in social media, let's say Facebook or Instagram (in case, if you read this and want to add me, my IG is nettyliee) I have been pretty active updating about my life and my kids via Facebook and Instagram and I find it more effective and less time consuming than blogging. The world we are living is always changing right? Thus the social media era!

As you read from the title, I'm officially closing my baby factory like finally! Yes I have moved on living with just having 2 kids! At least for now!

When I was pregnant with my second child, Calysta, I told myself countless times, that's it, I'm done making babies! 2 is enough! It was my last pregnancy! But deep inside, I would want to experience another pregnancy, I would want to take my maternity photos I never had before, I would want to experience pregnancy glow, baby kicks, the excitement in welcoming a newborn and more! And so I thought maybe I wasn't done yet! Maybe I could plan baby no 3 and maybe I could plan it in 2017, I wouldn't want my kids' age gaps to be very far though!!

Nonetheless, 1 year after Calysta was born, the desire to have no 3 was somehow gone further and further ! I wasn't sure if it was because I was tired taking care 2 young kids with just 19 months age gap or I just felt contented with 2 so I was uncertain with my decision whether to have no 3 or not!
18 months passed by after I gave birth to Calysta, the desire to be pregnant, to take care a newborn was not quite there yet! So I had a little discussion with my husband whether or not to have no 3, to delay to have no 3 or not at all. My husband has always wanted his kids' age gap to be close to one another, so he thought we could try this time or move on with our life with having just 2 kids and no regret at all.

It was truly a tough decision for 2 of us but I know we made the right decision. As much as I enjoy being pregnant but the thought of taking care newborn who wakes up every 2 hours to nurse, sleepless nights again and again, the hardship in taking care a preschooler, a toddler and a newborn all together is freaking me out! Not to mention taking care all of them when they are sick, cranky and grumpy, dividing my love and attention when I have only 2 hands and I get used to EJ on my left side and Calysta on my right side. It's something more than I could handle mentally and physically.

Another thing concerning my decision is my marriage life, communication & intimacy with my husband would be absolutely affected thanks to our hectic life with kids, thus the "no time" between two of us would affect our relationship. Moreover, my relationship with my family members in the house would be affected as well especially with my in laws (you know how generations difference could affect one another) and worst, I could face another post delivery depression. I remember how I cried so much after each birth of my 2 kids. Plus plus baby colic and baby crying will just stress me out at the end. Breastfeeding will never be easy! Boobs engorgements and having to visit lactation consultation countless times, no but thanks no! I'm not ready to face all these things all over again!

Not mentioning, when my older kids get sick, the newborn would get sick too and worse, no medication can be prescribed to baby under 6 months old and our newborn could end up to get hospitalized! I just couldn't get these scary thoughts out of my head. And not forgetting worrying the baby from first trimester whether the fetus is still alive with strong heartbeat or not all the way to third trimester if the unborn baby is still kicking hard or growing with no abnormalities. And oh if the baby gaining enough weight inside and outside the belly. I hate worrying things!

In conclusion, I will worry so much about everything from pregnancy to birth to taking care a baby in the first year.

I also understand that another baby is absolutely a blessing and I know my heart can always hold another love and I can't literally get enough of sweet baby breathe and baby smell but looking at other circumstances that could happen with the arrival of no 3, I'm sorry to say I'm chickened out!

I'm fine now with my life and why and what else do I want more?

Another selfish side of mine wants to enjoy a good life, to travel with my husband to places I have never been before, to be in size 6 forever, to look slim and good for my own sanity. And to attend events I like, to treat my body well. I'm not looking forward to gain weight and having difficulty time to lose pregnancy weight and absolutely not looking forward to have saggy skin in my tummy, butt and thighs. Sounds selfish to others but my happiness matters the most, more than others' opinions. If looking good can make me feel happy, confident and contented with myself, then it's okay for me to look good as long as I wanted!

So I have decided with my husband that we are happy with our 2 kids and we are grateful to have both in our life and most importantly we are happy with our life :)

Will we change our mind in the future? Perhaps! We don't know about it yet but what we know is the baby factory is closed for good now and we are totally okay with that right now!

So fellow mommies out there whether you have one or two kids and have no intention to add more, you are totally not selfish, society can judge us for not wanting more kids but our life is more than just making & growing babies. We do have other interests in life too and as long as we are happy, whatever decisions we make, it's all good! And remember not to miss other good things in life too!

Most importantly, having quality kids is more important than number of kids!

What's next is I'm looking forward to my NYC trip with my husband, going for our long vacation without bringing kids end of this year and to enjoy our life as much as possible :)

So yeah cheers to all moms of 2 :)

What I have been thinking...

What I have been thinking...

I have been neglecting my personal posts for quite a while because I have been really busy with sponsored reviews/media invites/sponsored posts etc. While it's really good to have part time pocket money from writing sponsored stuff but deep inside, I feel like I'm getting more distant from my blogging hobby. The point is I love to note down everything about my children & their milestones. I love writing about personal stuff I like but right now I'm just too busy to do it (sponsored posts are taking so much of my time, maybe I should rephrase it, my children are taking so much of my time and I have so little time to write and that 'little time' is wasted for writing whatever sponsored stuff) until tonight, my inspiration to write for sponsored stuff is GONE. And here I am, writing a personal post!

Baby no 3, yay or nay?

I have been thinking for quite a while if I should have no 3 or not. I'm a planner! I planned baby no 1 and baby no 2 and I planned in such a way that their age gap would be close (19 months difference). And no 3 is absolutely a big decision, not only I'm outnumbered (27 month old toddler & 8 month old baby) I'm not confident if I can handle 3 young kids under one roof. Having 2 is already stressing me out most of the time. I'm talking about toddler temper and baby refusing her foods and plus when they are both sick! not that I'm ungrateful, I'm beyond grateful having my two babies. Just that I can't imagine having 3 and I'm not ready! And how my life would be with 3 kiddos?

I have been discussing with my husband about no 3 and he seems confident that I can handle 3, hahaaa.. And he really thinks do it now or never at all! He thinks that he's getting older and it's going to be super duper tiring if our last kid comes years later when both EJ & Calysta have grown up (starting over is not really in our picture).

As a planner, I'm thinking even if I want to have no 3, I should have him/her in 2017, not only rooster year is suitable for both of us (Chinese zodiac thingy) but the age gap is just nice. 2013, 2014 and 2017 (4,3 and a newborn) I'm sure both EJ & Calysta will be adjusting well with the new baby. And I will be 34! One last baby before I close my baby shop at the age of 35! Seriously no more baby after the age of 35!!

But plan is just a plan, I'm not sure if fertility God would agree with us or not hehee.. Let it be fated! If it's fated, we will have no 3, if not, that's it! We are happy with 2 kids now!

Losing the extra baby fats

                                                        8 more kg, like seriously?

Oh God! I seriously struggle a lot with my weight. I'm stuck with 8 kg! Why is it that much? The reason is I got pregnant with no 2 when my no 1 was only 10 months old and at that time I haven't lost all my baby weight yet, I was stuck with 5 kg post pregnancy weight and bam, no 2 was in my tummy! I gained 25 kg in my first pregnancy & gained 17 kg in my second pregnancy and I lost 14 kg 8 months after I delivered Calysta. So here I am, adding extra 5 kg of weight from 1st pregnancy and extra 3 kg of weight from 2nd pregnancy, thanks, I have 8 kg of fats in my body!

I have started to go on diet when Calysta turned 7 months old. As she's taking 3 times solid food in a day and she doesn't latch that much anymore, so I thought that was the time I could go on diet & start to lose weight.

So I'm cutting down my carbo dinner & replacing it with protein and more protein. I also go for Zumba fitness, kickboxing and body sculpt class every week and I have lost 2 kg in a month. Currently my weight is at 68 kg, come on, 8 kg, it wouldn't be that hard, right? Reality is it's really hard and it's a hard work to lose a merely 1 kg of baby weight!

I'm going to write down on my blog my post delivery weight loss progress and I hope when you goggle "Singapore mommy post pregnancy weight loss" bam, you will be here! Hahaa..

EJ & Calysta

I have also been so busy preparing Calysta's first DIY birthday party. I have been paper crafting for quite a while and sharing (I hope I have the time) my DIY stuff here soon!

 

 DIY birthday project

EJ & Calysta have been fighting! It seems like EJ doesn't like to share his toys with his sister and he goes violent whenever Calysta snatches his toys away. "Bad girl" is EJ's new favorite word now! And Calysta is a stubborn girl! If she wants, she has to get it & force her way! And here's my life now, a full messy house of screaming and crying with lots of fighting! Will write more about kids when I really have time.. But seriously where did my time go???

Daily Routine as a breastfeeding mom

I would say I'm pretty lucky to have a full time helper who's able to take care my first born while I take care my second born full time. Baby Calysta is almost 13 weeks old & I'm still breastfeeding her, so my daily routine is always involving her and her. Curios? Check out my daily routine! It's still pretty easy to take care of her because she's still so small and hasn't started solid food yet, so I have to enjoy her as much as possible before the real challenge comes, right?

9am: Good Morning! Calysta wakes up. I change her diaper & latch her. I'm pretty lucky to be able to wake up  (late) together with her. Mommy needs enough sleep to take care her baby too right?

9.30am: I have my breakfast ~ normally protein diet: egg, red meat and milk (I need this diet to boost my milk quality) while I'm eating my breakfast, Calysta is watching babyTV. She keeps herself entertained for a while

10.30am: Latch her if she wants too! Preparing her for bath

11.00am: She looks fresh and clean after taking bath

11.15am: My turn to take shower and Calysta is watching babyTV (that's the only way I can shower)

11.30am: Play time! With EJ & Calysta (before EJ taking his nap)

12.00pm: Latch her before her napping time. She normally naps for half an hour and can hardly nap more than half an hour

12.30pm: While she's napping, I have my quick lunch

1pm: Diaper change after she wakes up

1.30pm: Latch her & playtime

2.30pm: Another latch

3.30pm: Tea break (milk & cookies) or avocado milkshake (yes yes yes it's to boost milk quality or to thicken Breast milk). Calysta is relaxing/watching TV

4pm: Diaper change. Comfort latch before her napping

4.30pm-5pm: napping time. This timing, she will only want to nap on my chest (no other place)

6pm: Diaper change, clean & change her. It's pajamas time!

6.30pm: I have my dinner! Protein dinner like lean meat and salmon with a bowl of rice & lactating tea

7pm: latch her and after that I take shower

8pm: diaper change & playtime

9pm-10pm: final/comfort latching before she sleeps

3am: latch & sleep back

6am: latch & sleep back. Diaper change

7.30am: latch & sleep back

9am: Good morning!

Of course, in between I'm still trying to have time to play with EJ ~ playing cars with him or just reading to him

And breastfeeding isn't that easy too although it looks super convenient. Many times I'm struggling because she's fussing during nursing, so I have to walk, dance, bounce around the house while latching her (oh yes it's tiring & I look like a mad woman when I do that!) but I wouldn't change a single thing about her! I know she will grow up and one day I will miss her babyhood so much, so why not enjoying it now while it lasts?

Motherhood is an amazing journey!

CNY 2015

GONG XI FAT CAI!

It has been a good new year! And CNY 2015 is also Calysta's first Chinese New Year and EJ's second Chinese New Year

Recap of my Chinese New Year as a married woman:

2012: 1st CNY with my husband and his family. We have just gotten married and we were still enjoying our honeymoon period
2013: 2nd CNY, I was 7 months pregnant with EJ
2014: 3rd CNY, EJ was 9 months old
2015: 4th CNY, celebrating CNY with TWO kids!

May CNY 2015 bring us good luck, health and happiness!

Life as a mother of 2 ~ 2nd month/Feb'15

Hello! 

 

I have been ignoring my blog for quite a while ~ not that I want to do that intentionally but seriously I have no time to blog. One toddler & one infant~ my hands are always full! Especially little Calysta! She wants me to carry her all the time and refuses to nap unless I carry her.. That's the thing! 

 

A little update about my life & kids: 

 

Me:

 

I'm still breastfeeding Calysta and breastfeeding gets easier! What they told me was true, breastfeeding can be very challenging at the beginning but it does get better once it reaches the 6th week mark. For my case, it's true! 

 

Calysta is getting better in latching on & I'm getting better too in having different breastfeeding positions. We both get comfortable with each other but of course she has her fussiness too especially when it comes to evening time from 8pm onwards ~ to 12am, she's really fussy at breasts, sometimes I just don't get it ~ is the milk flow too fast, too slow or she just wants comfort latching but gets angry when the milk comes out? She would cry, pull away the nipple, latch & unlatch, drink a little and stop and cycle continues until 12am! Yes, I'm really worn out! Luckily she wakes up at 8.30am in the morning and has her milk every 3 hours midnight! 

 

I have quit pumping, I used to pump at least 1 bag of 120ml Breast milk a day to keep in my freezer for emergency but I really find pumping is very tiring when I take care & breastfeed Calysta full time and also EJ didn't want to drink frozen Breast milk at all (Calysta still doesn't know how to drink from bottle) so I quit pumping at all! Right now, I'm latching Calysta on demand! She's fed every 1-2 hours during the day, sometimes she's having cluster feeding, so it's like every 1/2 hour non stop! Breastfeeding is no joke very tiring whether you're latching or pumping 

 

It seems like my milk supply has been established ~ means my body recognizes what my baby needs and produces accordingly, that means I'm no longer feeling engorged or too full. Good thing is I feel more comfortable with my breasts and bad thing is I sometimes wonder if there's milk inside there! 

 

I'm currently taking care Calysta full time with no help at all and it's really very tiring but somehow I enjoy her so much.. I enjoy dressing her up, I enjoy breastfeeding her (except when she's cranky), I enjoy smelling her hair.. I just enjoy everything about her.. Motherhood is tiring but rewarding and it's true! 

 

My days are pretty much the same, feeding the baby, changing her diapers, cleaning her, burping, walking & dancing around the house when she's cranky and the cycle is repeated over and over again.. It looks boring right? But I'm not bored at all although I'm tired! 

 

As a mom of two, the worst thing I've ever experienced was when both kids were sick (a couple of weeks ago, EJ was down with flu & cough then fever & passed it to Calysta and she was down with bad flu) Calysta was a newborn & couldn't take any medication and might need hospitalization if things weren't better and oh gosh, I was really stressed at that time & didn't know what to do except kept nursing Calysta & let her stay far away from her brother.

 

What was worst than having sick kids?

 

Me falling sick! Yes, I fell sick too and it was so challenging to take care sick kids while I was sick myself! Thanks God, it's over now! We are all well & hope we stay that way! 

Btw, I have also mastered how to take shower & eat my meal in 5 minutes ~ I have become more effective! ^^

 

 

 

Calysta:

 

She's a petite gal! At 8 weeks, she's more or less 4.6 kg and she can still pretty much fit into newborn diapers &!clothes.. Totally the opposite with EJ, he was very tall & big! 

 

 

Just like other babies, Calysta has her own good days and bad days

 

Good days, she will eat & sleep & eat & sleep and bad days, she doesn't want to sleep at all, keeps crying & wanting to carry & walk & latch all day long and it's really tiring, sometimes when she does that, I just feel like giving up breastfeeding ~ thinking my milk is not enough for her! But I just keep telling myself, breastfeeding is like demand and supply thingy and as long as I nurse on demand & eat & drink well, I should be producing enough for her! Breastfeeding is really a confident game! 

 

 

 

She sleeps at 12am every day and it's really funny that she can be pretty regular with her sleeping time at that very young age! 

 

 

 

 

 

EJ

 

He just turned 21 months old! And he goes to school now! He's now at playgroup! 

 

 

 

And I guess he's the naughty one & a troublemaker at school. One day I picked him up from school (yes, Calysta was tagged along). From outside the class, I heard "Ethan, noooo... Ethan, don't open the door...noooo.. Ethan don't hit...(someone's name) Ethan don't throw your bag...Hahaha.. Apparently my son is really naughty and troublemaker and only him the only who got screamed from the teacher! 

 

 

 

I just realized (and felt so emotional) that he's no longer a baby! It's just something like "missing" feeling in my heart I just can't explain 

 

1) He knows how to keep his toys accordingly. Cars to his cars box. Books to his books drawer and Legos to his Legos box. He even zipped the box very neatly and put back according to the original position. The moment when your baby keeps messing up the house is over. My house just suddenly feels clean without having to keep his scattered toys everywhere

 

2) He doesn't randomly lick or put random stuff in his mouth anymore. He knows what can be eaten and what can't 

 

3) He's no longer tearing whatever papers he sees

 

4) He starts to appreciate coloring, drawing and toys (no longer throwing toys)

 

5) He starts to feel emotional & upset when you scold him & would hide in his room with tears in the corner of his eyes. 

 

6) And finally he knows how to hold a girl's hand (a girl his age) 

 

And that's the time I know he's no longer my baby boy but he will be always the son I love since I held him in my arms for the first time! 

 

 

 

This little boy is also very tricky! When he was 20 month old, EJ had cough & we're trying to feed him cough syrup. He saw the syringe and screamed "pain pain pain pain..." touching his body, hands & legs like he was really in pain.. Then we asked "where pain? Where pain?" hiding the syringe behind. And he was back to playing & totally not in pain. Then we showed him the syringe again and again he screamed "pain pain pain pain..." Argh this boy! Good in bluffing people to avoid drinking cough syrup!

 

 

What toddler sees, toddler follows! He's trying to nurse his dog (soft toy) with mommy's nursing pillow & burp him after that because he saw mommy doing that with his sister! So careful fellow mommies, toddlers follow our action really fast!

 

 

 

EJ is obsessed with cars and he can play cars toys all day long and is only interested with cars! Obsession can start in a very early age, right? He has so many cars toys and seems like he just can't get enough of cars and more cars!! 

 

 

 

EJ can't talk yet! At 21 months old, he can say about 50 words and request us to do things for him by saying one word by one word. That's it! No sentences yet! I'm still waiting for that "talking" milestones! 

 

EJ is very jealous of his little sister and often he would ask me to carry him or cry when he sees me carrying Calysta! And I hope one day he will get over of this jealousy phase & start sharing his mommy with his baby sibling! Another milestone to look forward! 

 

 

 

It's really a long post! And I hope I'm able to be more active in blogging once everything is more stabilized :)

 

And ops, 7 more kg to lose before I reach my pre-pregnancy weight! 

 

Until next post,

From mommy of 2, Netty

 

Post Delivery & Breastfeeding Update

It has been more than 2 weeks since I have given birth to Calysta. She's doing great! And so I am! Although it's really tiring to take care a newborn day and night but looking at her face, I just can't stop falling in love again and again.. Smelling her hair is my favorite thing to do now

As much as a new baby brought joy & happiness to our family, of course there are some challenges too, one of them is breastfeeding.. It's seriously a big business! Calysta has been on total breastfeeding/direct latching with no bottles or formula. She's literally on my boobs 24/7 & there's no fixed timing yet when she's gonna eat. She eats whenever she wants!
She's fed every 1.5-3 hours and there is certain timing she wants to be fed all the time.. Other mothers call it cluster feeding. It's like feeding her for 2-3 hours non stop for a few minutes and during feeding, she sleeps for 15 minutes or less then she wakes up again and latches on again for a few minutes and the cycle goes on and on for many hours.. She has a few times of cluster feeding in a day, sometimes day & night and I'm seriously really tired! I haven't slept for 3 hours straight yet!

Other mums may think breastfeeding with direct latching is so easy because there's no need to wash bottles, no need to pump & sterilize and more bonding time with the baby but everything comes with a price too!
The problem I'm having with direct latching apart from having sore nipples is engorgement and there's a need to pump to relieve some level of engorgement. Calysta is taking one breast at a time and she can't finish the other breast and this is why I still have to pump at least once or twice a day when I feel really full. The other problem is Calysta seems unable to handle fast flow milk from my breasts, therefore it leads to frustration, crying and pulling off from the breasts. Yes it takes efforts to latch her on again! Even I can latch her on again, there will be so much milk leaking from her mouth that literally wetting all my shirt and her shirt.. It's really stressful sometimes! Of course there is certain timing, she can control the milk flow well! She can control my fast milk flow and thus less fussiness during midnight feeding. To me, midnight feeding is the best and more relaxing although I feel tired & sleepy. The milk leaking makes me wonder if she's getting enough milk or not but looking at her diaper outputs, I think she's doing just fine! Just that mommy is too afraid she's getting not enough!

Calysta at 2 weeks old plus only nurses for averagely 5-10 minutes and most of the time, she feels contented! At first, it worried me if she's getting enough but as long as she's producing more than 10 wet diapers and 3-4 soiled diapers, I think she's doing fine! Perhaps my fast milk flow makes her an efficient nurser :)

Seriously breastfeeding direct latching is not easy at all, it can be really stressful especially when your newborn is fussy or crying during feeding! And when I don't know what to do facing certain situation, luckily I have lactation consultant support to advise & encourage me to carry on. (So far I have engaged lactation consultant twice and she came for home visit once), lactation consultant really helped! I would say it's much more challenging than exclusive pumping. I hope things will get better after the 1st month. Many times, I feel like giving up, just pump combined with formula and feed the baby! That's it, easy! But deep inside, I don't want to give up yet! I have faith in breastfeeding & I know it's going to get better & better as time passes by! All I need is encouragement :) luckily my husband has been very supportive :)

Breastfeeding really helped me to slim down my belly fast & I'm glad to say that my belly is back to pre-pregnancy belly and it's even flatter than before I got pregnant with Calysta.. Weight loss wise, I have lost 10 kg and I have about 7-8 kg more of baby weight to lose :) I believe I'm reaching that target fast due to breastfeeding :)

I'm lucky that I don't experience postnatal depression (touchwood I won't!) with this baby.. I'm pretty much calm & relaxed emotionally. Of course there was once I shed tears because of breastfeeding frustration but luckily lactation consultant came in time to help me! :) silly me I know!

I'm still doing my confinement and I have a confinement lady who helps in cooking & washing baby's clothes.. So far I'm ok with Chinese confinement, I can bear with whatever foods they want me to eat but one thing they can't restrict me, it's my hygiene! (meaning there's no way I don't take a bath or wash hair for 30 days, it's simply madness!) I shower twice a day and wash my hair whenever I like to!

I will update more again next time, hopefully after Calysta's full moon :)

2 week + post delivery belly ~ breastfeeding works like magic!

I manage to keep 120 ml of breast milk in my deep freezer every day. It's time to build the stash slowly, one pack by one pack!

Why are you so tiny, Calysta?

Week 38 Pregnancy Update, What motherhood taught me!

Hi all..

I'm currently 38.5 weeks pregnant. It's getting so so close now. How crazy isn't thinking I'm going to pop a baby anytime now :D 

As my due date is getting so close now, I have this weird feeling (not sure if other second time mums can relate)  it's like having a strong separation anxiety with my first born. I feel like every moment I spend with my son is extremely precious, much more precious than before and I feel like that precious time is getting shorter & shorter.. The connection with him is just getting stronger & I'm afraid of losing what I'm currently holding tight once the new baby is out and I'm afraid things between us will change. Never knew the transition from 1st time mum to 2nd time mum can be that difficult. Nevertheless, I hope the relationship with first child remains strong & will never ever change even though I'm having a new baby :)

At this stage, I'm doing pretty okay ~ no complaints so far except a little backache here and there and soreness in my V area (not sure why too!)

 

My super round belly ~ it's so wide! Left and right side of my belly are equally swollen! And I think my popped out belly button looks funny! :D

Highlights at 38 weeks:

1) Leaking Colostrum ~ I wake up every morning with yellowish dry skin on my nipples I suspect as colostrum and I'm right ~ the other day, I tried to press gently my right nipple and a tiny drop of super yellow liquid came out but funnily on my left nipple, there was only a drop of transparent liquid. I guess left boob is not ready to produce colostrum yet.

I can tell that milk production will kick in more quickly in the 2nd birth than the 1st one. I remember day 1 after I gave birth to EJ, I had to press my nipples really hard (until it really hurt) to see a tiny drop of colostrum. So I just hope breastfeeding will be easier & more natural this time round :)

I have also started applying nipple cream twice a day, kind of nourishing it before the real breastfeeding kicks in :) So I won't face dry, cracked, painful nipples during direct latching for the first time!

2) Coffee ~ I just have craving for a cup of coffee in the morning & yes I have it! I know that drinking caffeine during pregnancy is not good but I guess one cup in the morning won't be that harmful, right? I used to drink a cup of coffee in the morning before I got pregnant & coffee never failed to wake me up but during pregnancy, coffee has no effect on me at all. I still feel tired & sleepy!

Pregnancy craving does change! Last week I craved for chocolate & I had to eat a bar every day and this week's craving is coffee!!

3) Watching movie is no longer fun ~ Yesterday I watched hunger games part 2 with my husband thinking this is our last movie before the baby is here but turned out I didn't enjoy my movie at all. My back was so sore from sitting down for 2 hours without pillow support & worst part was I needed to go to loo every 30 minutes. So annoying!

4) Braxton Hick Contractions are getting stronger and more frequently ~ sometimes I think I'm in labor but nope, I'm not! The tightening can be really strong although not painful but it's really uncomfortable and it can come many times in one hour time, especially when I walk, bend down or stand up.

5) Nesting Part 3 is done ~ I'm done! That's it! Nesting is a serious business! My whole body is very sore now ~ everywhere especially my back. Seriously that's it! Baby Cal, just come whenever you're ready!

6) Baby Movements & Kicks ~ Everywhere! but her favorite spot is my right ribs! She loves the right side of my belly so much & most of her movements are on my right side! Occasionally, she's on my left but most of the time, right is her all the time favo!

7) Talking to her every night ~ Yes, I do talk to her every night before I go to bed. What do I talk?

"Cal Cal (Calysta's nickname), when you're born, please be a good girl, latch on and breastfeed well. Give your mommy plenty of rest & sleep, so she can take a good care of you & produce you plenty of milk. Please don't be cranky at night, do sleep through the night, be an easy going baby and most importantly, be healthy and happy all the time!

I talk the same to her every single night! And that's my wish for her!

I made my own reflections! As a second time mum & as a mum who has been through motherhood for the past 19 months, motherhood has taught me many things I didn't know before nor I didn't expect it to be.. And I really think it's good to sit down, reflect, write down and perhaps make changes about it? I'm someone who prefers to pour the content of my heart through writing and here are my 10 reflections as a mum who has been going through motherhood for the past 1.5 years and here are things motherhood taught me:

1) A mum can be very protective

Even simple things like "Do the germs get into my child and make him sick if he touches dirty shoes?", "Why didn't you wipe his hand with anti bacterial wipes?", "Oh no, that stranger auntie is touching him again, will he get germs or something?" Sounds familiar? A little simple thing can make a mum paranoid and extra protective!

2) A mum needs to be & stays strong

She has too! Who else can wake up every one hour to check her child's temperature when he's having fever? Who else can monitor her child so timely to make sure his medications are taken on time? Who else can rush to the hospital back and forth and do everything it takes to ensure the child is happy & healthy? Who else can be that strong to watch a sick child vomiting his medication, crying his lungs out, yet never give up, but to stay strong and repeating the process over and over again?

3) A mum is a decision maker

A strong decision maker on her children! Not dad nor other family members! Mum decides what's the best for her child and mum's natural instinct is really that strong & accurate and so her decision is mostly the best for her child's well being. Most of the time, she will be very careful, do lots of researches before making that decision!

4) A mum is from Venus & a dad is from Mars

A mum loves to rant and share about her day being a mother to her man without wanting a solution sometimes but man tends to take woman's sharing as complaints and he wants to find parenting solutions for his woman, but at the end, finding solutions for his woman can interrupt his concentration at work, thus affecting his work performance. And eventually, it affects the relationship between man and his woman. I came far to learn about this, ranting to your man is not a solution but it's the root of every family problem. Parenting is not only about the relationship between you and your child but it's also about you and your husband.

5) A mum sacrifices everything

Her sleep, her beauty, her career, her youth, her health, her time, her hobbies, things she wants. And her children are always her top priority. A mum sacrifices with no regret at all!

6) A mum needs to learn to block unnecessary comments

Comments about how you raise your child is getting more hurtful when you are a mother yourself.

Does this sound familiar?

"Your milk supply is low, just top up with formula milk!"
"Your milk is too watery, no wonder baby doesn't like it!"
"Don't you worry about your child?"
"Don't you care about your child?"
"Why did you feed him that?"
"Don't take this, it's not good for your child!"
"Your child should...." "Your child shouldn't.."

Seriously, when those unnecessary comments come from your family members, it sucks 100 times more than comments you receive from strangers if you know what I mean? And it's quite a trick to ignore & block those unnecessary comments without getting upset or angry! Motherhood does teach a woman to grow up and to be more mature in handling problems like this!

7) The world doesn't always revolve around us and our children

Sometimes, it's not all about us and our children, selfishly we want the best for our children without thinking about others or our actions towards others but we are not the center of this world, we are PART of this world! Many things we just can't change! Our entire lives don't just revolve around our children, there must be a balance of everything I believe!

8) Children are forgiving

This is what I learned from my 19 month old son.  I was angry with him, so I scolded him and I screamed! 10 minutes later, he acted like nothing happened ~ he gave me his biggest smile and hugged me! Can we learn from our children to be that forgiving?

9) And so, mum feels guilty but moves on fast!

Because children are so forgiving and thus we feel guilty screaming at them, isn't? A mum's voice can be loud & fierce but her heart will remain soft for her children.

10) And this shall pass too!

Everything will pass too! I have been through the period when my child:

"Went on food strike"
"Had sleeping terrors ~ waking up & crying non stop"
"Had fever more than 39.8 degree"
"Had bacterial infections"
"Was sick for 2 weeks and I had to force feed him medications with so much heart breaks"
"Refused to nurse"
"Was crying & couldn't sleep because he had bad flu & cough"
"Wasn't well yet I received unnecessary comments that added more pressure than I already had" 

But every single thing I mentioned above passed too! And every single thing will be back to normal! Amazingly, despite things I went through, I'm still enjoying being a mum!

Motherhood is simply awesome!

~38.5 weeks and counting, so see you soon labor ward!~

What does a newborn need? Must Haves for Baby Calysta

Hello

I was thinking whether to blog about baby essentials especially for newborn or not, because there are quite many baby websites listing about baby must haves for the first year. Then, I decided to share with fellow mommies here because I really think these are all what I need the most and also this writing is also for my own record, you know, in case I got pregnant again many years later and I need to start over again preparing baby stuff, at least I will know what to buy (although it's very less likely for me wanting to get pregnant again after many years, even if I want #3, I will try it within 2 years time frame, I'm not that young anymore haha... but who knows 'accident or something' haha..)

Newborn Clothing:

1) Swaddle (Traditional cloth type ~ I have like 7 pcs, please invest on Aden & Anais Muslin Swaddle)
2) Instant Swaddle (I have like 7 pcs ~ find it easy to wear on baby at night & easier for diaper change too)
3) Romper Pajamas ~ 6 pcs
4) Socks & Mittens ~ I have like 20 socks & 20 mittens because these get lost easily)
5) Wash Cloth & handkerchief ~ more than 20 pcs ~ find it very useful to clean baby face, body & hair during bath time and also can be used as newborn bibs during feeding & for mouth cleaning too)
6) Hat ~ 2 is enough
7) Baby shirt/short sleeve ~ button-down type ~ I have 14 pcs ~ I need many because baby vomits milk all the time
8) Long pants ~ 7 is enough ~ seldom use it though because newborn will be swaddled anyway to keep her warm & long pants are not that needed
9) Baby shirt/long sleeve ~ button-down type ~ 7 is enough ~ not that needed too because again newborn is swaddled all the time, so without wearing long sleeve, she's warm enough!
10) Romper ~ 4-5 pcs ~ not that needed because it can be a little hard to wear this type of romper on newborn baby & thus hard to take off too ~ however it's great for photo taking :D
11) Disposable Diapers ~ my favorite is Merries ~ do invest in newborn size 1 pack first to see if it fits and size S 3-4 packs
12) Cloth Diapers ~ I have 2 types ~ one is like Japanese Sumo pants (very traditional type) for newborn and another one is a modern cloth diaper. The green one as shown in the pic is great for baby aged 1 month and above, this one size cloth diaper can be worn by infants & toddlers. Check out Moo Moo Kow brand! Cloth diaper is a must because baby does get bum rashes quite frequently. My son wore cloth diaper when he had bum rashes ~ I have 12 cloth diapers with inserts!

Add: 1) Some pretty outing outfits, baby Cal has 2 dresses for 0-3 months and the rest are 3-6 months and 6 months onwards. Check out Baby Calysta's outfits/dresses here

2) Bibs ~ I have many but I normally will use bibs after baby is starting solid foods

And don't forget:

1) Bed Sheets ~ for your baby cot ~ 2 is enough!
2) Towels ~ I have 4, yes I need a few because baby pees on towel all the time ~ especially after bath
3) Mattress Protector ~ to prevent mattress getting wet
4) Baby Cloth Sling ~ it's a must for me, I prefer to wear baby sling when my baby is still a newborn and after 4 months old or when her head is firm and steady, I can definitely upgrade to baby carrier
5) Baby Cot Bumper ~ I don't need this as I'm using Playpen

Blankets:

1) Wearable Blanket ~ a must for me ~ I'm too paranoid normal blanket could suffocate baby at night when we don't supervise our baby, plus baby does kick blanket away every time
2) Normal Blanket ~ for afternoon nap ~ when I'm supervising the baby or not sleeping, and to make sure the blanket won't cover her face

Baby Care Essentials:

1) Changing Mat
2) Baby Wipes (I love Pigeon)
3) Spray Water Bottle (I use water to clean baby's bum after using baby wipes to prevent rashes, using baby wipes without rinsing can cause rashes)
4) Diaper Cream (I'm happy with Bepanthen or Desitin but prefer Bepanthen more as the texture is lighter)
5) Sterile Cotton (one small pack costs like $1 and I have like more than 30 packs, newborn must use sterile cotton. It can be used to clean newborn's eyes, face, ears, bum, etc
6) 2 in 1 Hair & Body Shampoo (I love organic brands like California Baby or Gaia and please use only organic hair & body shampoo for newborn as newborn's skin & scalp can be very sensitive)
7) Tummy Oil (either Ru Yee Oil or Minyak Telon, but I prefer Minyak Telon as it's mild/not so hot on baby's thin skin, but it's individual preference)
8) Body Lotion (This time I will try Mustela, I hope it's good!)
9) Aveeno Eczema Cream (I swear this cream is so good when baby has rashes on face, my 18 month old son is still using this when he has rough skin on his face & within 1-2 days, his face is back to baby-smooth-face)

Optional: Baby Massage Oil ~ I seldom use it though, but I have one sample bottle ^^

Please don't forget to buy anti-bacterial hand sanitizer ~ I put one in my room, one in living room and another one in the kitchen. When you have a newborn, you or other family members have to make sure hands are clean before touching the baby

Other Baby Care Products:
 
1) Nail Clipper/Scissor ~ I heard Pigeon brand is good
2) Nail Trimmer ~ Zoli Brand is really good, it's battery operated nail trimmer
3) Braun Digital Thermometer ~ Get the ear type, it's more accurate, easy to read & quicker, expensive but it's a good investment
4) Pigeon Hand & Mouth Wipes ~ A must to have, especially when we are outside, baby vomits a lot!
5) Hair Brush & Comb
6) Nose Aspirator ~ it's to suck the mucus out of baby's nose when baby is having flu. Mine is battery operated, Graco brand, just bought & never tried this before, I hope it's good!
7) Cotton Bud ~ to clean baby's ears (please do not clean inside!)
8) Mouth Wipes ~ you can use either clean wet cloth or My Dentist Choice Tooth Tissue (which can be used from birth up to toddler) to clean baby's tongue & gums. Mothercare offers similar product too. It's really individual preference. My mum & mil use Chinese Medicine Powder to clean newborn's mouth. They said it can prevent baby from being spooked (Well, I don't know about this too! Old Generation belief!)
9) Alcohol Wipes ~ it's to clean newborn's belly button when umbilical cord hasn't fallen off. You can get that from pharmacies
10) Medicine Syringe ~ Please invest on this A LOT! I bought 1 whole box (I think more than 50 pcs). This medicine syringe is a one time use & it's used to feed liquid medicine to infants or toddlers. Do expect that infants or toddlers can get fever after immunization and do prepare to feed them liquid paracetamol as prescribed by PD
11) Fever Patch ~ for fever ~ Pigeon brand is suitable for infants & toddlers

Diaper Bag is a must! ~ choose a light weight one! Mine is from Okiedog with lots of compartments inside! Awesome!

If you decide to bottle feed your baby, you may need:
 
1) Milk Powder Container ~ not only it's good for travelling but I also use this container on daily basis ~ you know sometimes you remind your helper, husband or mil to wash hands before making baby formula but they can forget or too busy or perhaps get distracted by baby cry, this milk powder container is the perfect solution without worrying milk powder would get contaminated or something! No wash hand, not too worry!
2) Baby Bottles ~ My son is using Avents and this time, my daughter will be using Comotomo (I heard it's a very good breastfeeding bottle and although I hope she would just latch on instead of using bottles)
3) Hot Water Thermos
4) Bottle Cleanser & Brush ~ Tollyjoy is the best

If you have decided to breastfeed, you may read my post on breastfeeding essentials here (breastfeeding stuff I prepared so far)

 

Item/s I won't buy:

1) Pacifier ~ the reason is I don't want my baby to get addicted to it plus I heard pacifier can change mouth shape & teeth structure, so I don't want to risk it ~ I want my baby to have beautiful smile in the future!
2) Pillow ~ just don't like the idea that it could suffocate my baby if baby left unattended
3) Baby Exersaucer ~ no good for baby legs' development

Other items I own: (most of these are from my son, passing down to my baby girl)
 
1) Baby Bottle Sterilizer (I use it every day, to me, it's very useful & a time saving product, instead of boiling bottles)
2) Bath Tub (A must!)
3) Car Seat (Seldom Use)
4) Stroller (A must!)
5) Baby Swing (Very Useful)
6) Baby Hammock aka yao lan (Very Useful too for my first born)
7) Baby Shoes (for non-walking infants, shoes are not needed, but I did own a few pairs for my first born, so he could look 'cool')
8) Baby Carrier (Very Useful, I love Ergo Baby)
9) High Chair (Absolutely! After 6 months)
10) Play Gym (I have one, but not really needed as I seldom use it)
11) Books & Toys & Teething Toys (all passing down from my toddler son)
12) Baby Walker (my son used this when he was 6 months old and above but I did make sure that he only used baby walker for max 10-15 minutes then he had to take a break)

Btw, for baby swing, I bought this Fisher-Price 4 in 1, I find it sophisticated, can be used from newborn to toddler :)

Check out here to take a look on my simple nursery for my baby girl and here for my maternity/nursing clothes

I hope I have already mentioned everything here and please excuse me if I have forgotten one or two items (I'm pregnant and I have pregnant brains too! LOL) Most of the stuff here are left over from my toddler son and some stuff they will both be sharing and I hope this post can be useful to first time mums-to-be. I'm no expert though, everything is just based on my own experience as a soon to be second time mum.

~Netty~